“What I know for sure is that speaking your truth is the most powerful tool we all have.”—Oprah Winfrey
Role of Racial Equity
As a White woman, I struggle with my role in racial equality. But I have come to understand that staying silent about our (White people) role in sustaining a racist society is the epitome of privilege. Part of speaking my truth is making sure that my children do not grow up complicit in the ongoing racial issues facing our nation today.
Every year after Christmas, my family and I travel to my dad’s place in Bradenton, Florida. We love watching the birds, sunsets, and experiencing a different part of our world. During these visits, we often take some day trips to Tampa, Sarasota, or over to the Gulf—glorious country. Every time I feel awestruck by the diversity and beauty of this magnificent landscape.
One day, we trekked to Myakka River State Park to see some alligators in the wild. Craig, my husband, and my dad were in the front seat, and I’m squished in the back seat with the boys. Consequently, I’m always nervous about riding in the back because it can go from silent to overstimulating in seconds.
As we traveled the state highway, I looked out the window and listened to the boys talk about rappers. Josh, our 15-year-old, has ventured into the world of hip hop, bringing his younger brothers along with him. As they talked, I heard the discussion turn to the race of each rapper.
Surprisingly, I got uncomfortable despite the kids ease in talking about race. I’ve spent a large part of my professional life talking to educators about White privilege and structural racism. However, I shouldn’t have felt surprised, because I’m the product of a society where the experience of whiteness is the norm.
As an early childhood education major, diversity, acceptance, and inclusion also were engrained into the very fabric of our being. I remember having a t-shirt with a White and Black child hugging each other that said, “Racism is learned.” I was the epitome of the White “woke” liberal. I’m not sure when I made the decision, or if I made it consciously, but I decided to raise my children to be colorblind. In other words, they would not be a part of the problem.
However, I now realize this was incredibly naïve. Teaching our children not to see color is part of the problem. They MUST see color to be a part of the solution.
So, I started leaving them messages in the mortar on racial equality.
For this reason, I need my children to understand that race and poverty intertwine together within this country. The structural barriers we have created (and continue to create) prevent equitable access to resources, high-quality educational experiences, healthcare, and wealth.
As a result, I feel an urgency for my children to understand the history of our country. Not so they feel shame and embarrassment, but to assume responsibility to listen, understand, and be a part of the solution rather than being complicit in the ongoing racism.
Talking with Our Children
As White parents, it is not enough to talk to our children about race and racism. They need to understand the difference between individual racism (e.g., KKK) and structural racism. In other words, we tend to place the blame on individual outliers rather than focusing on the reasons why grave disparities continue generation after generation. This type of racism allows White people to deflect blame and placate our nation’s systems.
Talking to our White children about these issues makes us uncomfortable. Society taught us to keep these types of conversations underground. An unwritten taboo exists within White communities about discussing race and racism.
Partially we do not want to come across as racist. Likewise, however, we subconsciously want the systems to continue although many of us would never admit this truth out loud.
The unwillingness to talk to our children about race and the lack of understanding about its importance is another by-product of a White supremacist society. Unfortunately, the White experience is the norm. This belief allows us to continue ignoring the lived experiences of people of color within a racist society. In turn, this allows the inequitable policies and practices to continue as usual.
In Conclusion
Hearing my kids talking comfortably about race, I know I need to push through my fear and discomfort. I realize my concern is they might say something perceived as racist, and it would reflect on me. I need to push through this and let my children talk freely about racial equality. This freedom opens doors to more in-depth conversations about race, equity, and working for the common good.
These are the messages in the mortar.