For many of us, the murder of George Floyd was a wake-up call about the ongoing racism within our nation. We have been living in our whiteness, our privilege, and our lack of understanding about how racism is endemic within every aspect of our society. We have been focused on the fact that most of us do not consider ourselves to be racist.
We have ignored the fact that our life experiences are radically different than our Black peers. However, we have to understand that we all have been socialized within a racist society where narratives and falsehoods have been absorbed into our collective subconscious. All of us are racist in some form and fashion (e.g., implicit bias, colorblindness).
Most of us were raised to be colorblind, and in turn, have taught our children to be colorblind. White parents have a unique opportunity right now to break the cycle of colorblind racism with our children. Having conversations about race and racism is absolutely critical at this time. It is long overdue.
1. Educate yourself.
George Floyd’s murder has prompted many of us to jump in and want to be a part of the change. Many of us have felt a sense of urgency to talk with our children about race and racism. This is essential; however, it is incredibly important that we educate ourselves before talking with our children. We need to educate ourselves about the true history of our country; White supremacy – the ideology, not the people; racism – systemic racism, not the individual kind; colorblind racism and why it is harmful; and how racism plays out within every aspect of our society, including where we live, who we are friends with, in the media, in movies, in our systems. Now more than ever, our conversations cannot be superficial. We need to dig into the real issues so that our youth can join the cause of actively disrupting and rebuilding our systems to be more just and equitable.
2. Understand your “why.”
Many of us feel a sense of urgency at this time. However, it is essential that we reflect on this sense of urgency to determine our “why.” Are you driven by guilt because you sat on the sidelines and feel that you have been complicit in the ongoing racism? Are you ashamed that you have and continue to benefit from the inequitable systems within our society? Or are you driven by a need to be the change? If any of these are true, then it is important to reflect and take time to work through these issues before talking with your children about race. These conversations should not be driven by our own needs. The reason this is so important is because none of this is about us. The goal is to educate our children so that they become allies in the cause going forward. If we are driven by guilt, shame, or the need to save, we are at risk of continuing the status quo of White people taking charge of and dictating the solutions going forward. We must teach our children to stand beside, behind, but never in front of their Black peers when working towards justice.
3. Focus on systemic racism rather than individual racism.
During this time, many of us will focus on teaching kindness and love for all. While this is important, it does little to address the systemic racism within our society. Focusing on love and kindness for all perpetuates colorblind racism. Instead, dig into how our systems were set up from the very beginning to advantage White landowning men over all others. We need to help our children understand that what they are taught in school about our nation’s history is a whitewashed version of events. Our children must come to an understanding that each of the systems within this country is operating as intended – to keep White people in privilege and power. Examine disparities in education (e.g., suspension/expulsion disparities). Talk about redlining. Help your children understand the disparities in who goes to prison and for what. Black men and women have been imprisoned for generations because of laws that were set up to put them there (e.g., “Get tough on crime,” three strikes legislation). Having these conversations with your children will be hard. We may feel some discomfort; however, it is essential that our children develop an accurate understanding of racism within our society.
4. Don’t just check a box.
When initiating a conversation with our children, it is really important that we don’t just check the box. Becoming an anti-racist is an ongoing and lifelong process. It takes constant self-reflection about our own actions within the world. As such, the discussion about racism should take place over time. We need to help our children process recent events as well as past events throughout our history. There are many layers to unpeel, and if we just have one conversation with our children, we will not be able to break the cycle of colorblind racism within our society.
5. Be a role model for your children.
One of the most important things that White parents can do for their children is to model how to commit to anti-racism and how to be an ally in the cause. Many of us volunteer or provide financial assistance to non-profits; however, this is not enough. Although these activities are important, they also can perpetuate colorblind racism if we do not commit to other efforts. Put yourself in situations that are uncomfortable where you can begin to develop authentic relationships with individuals outside our uber segregated neighborhoods. Openly read books about racism and talk to your children about what you are reading. Attend marches and rallies with other protesters who are pushing for systemic change. Actively speak out when you see instances of racism within your community. All of these efforts will go a long way in creating the next generation of White allies.